Crossing the lines
Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe -
The upcoming new Moon coincides with the arrival of Spring. The season for renewal, rebirth, and cleansing. Why not take this opportunity to practice the greatest cleansing of all: the deconstruction of the Self. But are we prepared to go through the trouble, the work, the pain and frustration which will no doubt occur?
We all grew up under the influence of the culture and environment we were born into. We also were influenced by our parents or caretakers, by their own history and by the education we received. We tend to use this baggage to become the person we are today. This has built our ego with which we identify. I believe that we need to build this ego in order to manifest in this material world. Nothing is wrong with this. It even seems necessary to establish the limitations of the ego, so that one day, we are able to cross the lines that it drew around us, to go beyond.
The image of crossing the lines speaks to me because there is a sense of danger and perhaps fear when we cross the lines we drew ourselves while growing up and while designing our life. When we cross the lines of our ego, we go towards the unknown, towards a place outside of our ego, thought to be outside our familiar world and outside ourselves. We think that by going outside, « to the other side » we would lose ourselves. What actually does happen when we cross the lines, is that we begin shedding the layers of our definition of ourselves and start walking towards our true self.
In my case, one of my identities was a warrior, or better still, a fighter. I thought that I had to fight the system, that I even had to sometimes suffer, to have it all, to reach the goal I had set myself, based on my beliefs that were themselves based on the education I received and the environment in which I grew up in. I was in fact putting labels and definitions on my behaviour. It was hard, and when I succeeded, I felt proud. I was fortunate enough to reach a point in my life where I could say that I had it all.
However, one day, through yoga I began crossing the lines. I began surrendering instead of fighting, I began accepting instead of resisting. I felt unstable at first, because « this was not me » I thought. With time, several years actually, when I decreased my effort to resist, to fight, to prove, I grew silent and created space to feel something, someone, who was not « me », who was not « Shahrazad ». This something did not have a judgment on my personality, it had been witnessing the construction of my ego since my birth. When you cross the lines, you may get lost, upset, confused, but continue and stay there. You will eventually get in touch with your only, true and permanent Self.
How to do this? Choose one of the definitions of your ego, and ask yourself if this trait is permanent, were you always like this? No. Nothing of your ego is permanent. So, dare to let go of this trait, of the limitations this trait has designed in your life. Stay with the uncomfortable feeling when you stop resisting and go beyond your beliefs. Don’t go back. Stay. Breathe deeply and continue the next day.