Living through fear
– Pliny the Elder –
I realise now that I was putting my energy in the fear of a possibility instead of experiencing what truly existed. And when I put my energy in what is, here and now, I automatically let go of what may or may not happen, as I am focused only on what is. It’s difficult when people tell you that « you must let go » because how in the world does one let go of things that mean seem very important to us, such as our children, family, career etc.? Well, let us forget about « letting go » and focus only on experiencing the small and « real » things of the present. Yoga teaches us to do exactly this, through the practice of asana but even more so through meditation.
When I do this, I eventually become fearless, not because I am superwoman, but because the fear evaporates by itself; it literally ceases to exist as most of the time, it’s part of an uncertain future. While I already know this, I can only believe it when I experience the present. How does one « experience the present »? By feeling each one of our tiniest movements, actions or thoughts. Coming back to my fears, I choose to take long deep breaths when I am sick, to focus on the laughs with my mother instead of sadness, to be happy next to my partner instead of analysing his feelings, to embrace my wrinkles and the joyful moments throughout my 43 years on this Earth, to begin organising my first yoga retreat with all the risks it entails because I trust myself as a yogi, and to give more space to my children even if this means that I also begin to lose them a little bit for they are not « mine » to lose anyway.
Grief puts things back into the cycle of life, while fear stuns you in a paralysing way. So don’t be fearful of what has not happened. If the worst is to happen, then Nature will provide you with grief which you should use and travel through, step by step. In the meanwhile, let’s live in the small moments and take risks that make life worth while.